The time has come, ladies and gentlemen, for Sky Sports to wheel out their graphic in the right hand corner of the screen that will strike fear and hope in equal measures into the hearts of football fans everywhere. It is as much a part of the end-of-season ritual as fancy dress and montages of kids in facepaint crying their eyes out. Of course, it's the 'As it Stands' graphic, showing exactly where your team are, should the season finish right now, with no warning. Imagine that...
As Adrian Chiles once wrote in his brilliant book We don't know what we're doing, 'it's the hope that kills you'. In that case, Sky Sports has a lot to answer for. Is there anything that strikes false hope in you more than seeing your side out of the bottom three/in the promotion places with the vast majority of the game still to play? I first spotted the 'As it Stands' graphic this season last week, when watching Plymouth v Newcastle. It seems a bit strange to dust off the graphic in the middle of April. It's a little bit like defrosting Bruce Forsythe in June, ready for Strictly Come Dancing- it all seems a little bit pointless, when so much could still happen. Nevertheless, I felt the need to shout out 'AS IT STANDS!' at the top of my voice, possibly a mild form of Tourettes.
'As it Stands' season does produce some great moments, to give the little graphic his credit. He plays almost as big a role as Richard Keys does at Sky Sports around this time of the season, constantly jinking his way in and out of fear and hope. Crystal Palace and West Bromwich Albion saw only a minor role for the diminutive diagram, with only two goals, thus only two opportunities to show what he can do. But he'll be back on Sunday for sure, keen to show what an impact he can have on a season.
The game itself was fantastic. Any fears over West Bromwich Albion not trying were quickly put aside when Crystal Palace made rods for their own backs by riling the Albion players so much that they thought 'like Hell are you beating us'. It had the feeling of a play-off game about it, which in some senses, it was, with a Palace win guaranteeing survival. It ended 1-1, so AS IT STANDS, Palace need to avoid defeat on Sunday to stay up. The cameras caught a glimpse of a Palace fan sobbing his heart out at the finish (like you expected anything else from the masters of overstatement Sky Sports). My first thought was that he'd misunderstood the situation, thinking that Palace had already gone down. Surely this is where Sky Sports could do with an overhead projector to display 'As it Stands' on the pitch? Of course, it was the tension that caused the poor lad to cry his eyes out. The 'hope' that was killing him. We've all been there, supporters of Chelsea or Cheltenham, we all know the feeling. Sitting through double History going through the various permutations, using the Russian noblemen as Birmingham and the slavophiles as Reading, wondering whether the serfs (Crystal Palace) will roll over for the Tsarist ministers (Sheffield United). The teacher wasn't best pleased when I referred to Tsar Kevin Blackwell in my essay, but only football fans would understand.
'As it Stands' season causes so many bonds, breaks so many hearts. My sister stopped going to the football when in her previous two visits, Birmingham were relegated and missed out on promotion. Such is the power of the magical little graphic. If in doubt though, remember the words of The Shawshank Redemption:
Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.
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