Fantasy Football

'A man should never neglect his blog for business'
Walt Disney (or what he probably would have said...)

I have realised that recently I have neglected my blog, and it's been so long since I wrote a blog that the dust has begun to gather on the webpage. Indeed, it's taken me so long to pull my finger out and write something, that the last article is an optimistic rant about how England will surely thrash Germany and go on to be crowned 'FIFA World Cup Winners 2010'. Ho ho, the naivety of youth. Proof, if ever it was needed, that predictions are futile, although I will point out that before the World Cup, I envisaged a Holland v Spain article, and if you cast your minds back further, I tipped James Corden to make a World Cup record all the way back in November. Just call me Nostradamus...

The real reason for my negligence in blogging is that, like the rest of the footballing fraternity, I've been preparing for pre-season, although my pre-season lasts until September, when school starts, as opposed to August, when the football season kicks off. Also, the way that Manchester City have been going about their business, splashing £16m on Aleksandr Kolarov (isn't that the name of the meerkat?) and £24m on David Silva (who?), if I had blogged, it would have just been an inferno of hate-filled words directed in the general direction of Eastlands. It seems that Roberto Mancini is carrying out a fantasy football-style ploy to bring together 11 of the best players in the country together on August 14th, and see how they all get on individually. Team, schmeam.

Belatedly, I have arrived at the topic of my blog- Fantasy Football. As mentioned earlier, it is utterly pointless to try and predict the outcome of football, which is why I rarely bet or do the pools. The next best thing, for people of my age in particular, is Fantasy Football. The time will soon come when I will be approached to join a league, and create a mish-mash of players from the Premier League who I feel might have a decent season, based on, in my experiences at least, who played well for me on Football Manager.

I don't really like to bother with Fantasy Football, in all honesty. The first reason for this is that I forget about it by October, and when I finally get an e-mail through in May to see where I've finished, it transpires that 80% of my picks have either been injured, arrested, or fled the country, meaning that I pick up a paltry 35 points, or something ludicrous like that. When my players have been injured, it seems that my team gets filled with dodgy third-choice Fulham defenders without my knowing, and that's the main reason for 'Higgsy's Hagglers' finishing 500 points behind 'Morley's Marauders' or the amusingly named 'Barearsealona'.

As a Birmingham City fan, I think my job is made all the more difficult. Each year, I vow that I won't let my bias cloud my judgement. Yet each year I insist on picking Gary McSheffrey over Ryan Giggs, Franck Quedrue over Ashley Cole, or Lee Bowyer over Cesc Fabregas. I just can't turn my back on my blue-tinted spectacles, even for a game. Sure, everyone supports a team, so everyone has this problem. Yet as a Chelsea or Arsenal fan, it's beneficial if you pack your team with players from your club! You don't have to sigh 'well, at least I was loyal' as Cameron Jerome misses his latest sitter, costing your side 10 points. Also, my bitterness towards seemingly every other club besides maybe Fulham, whom I have a soft spot, for will inevitably cost me points. 'I'm not having him, he once played for the Villa'. 'David N'Gog? Hell no, not after what he did last season'. I've still not forgiven Ashley Cole for diving in our first ever Premier League match- that's how bitter I am!

Essentially, I can't really stand Fantasy Football. I hate how newspapers pack their pages with pointless statistics that no-one can really decipher, and I can't stomach my enjoyment/desperation towards supporting the Blues being tainted by the knowledge that a goal for the Blues means a 5 point penalty for my fantasy team due to Newcastle not keeping a clean sheet. I even hate it when the blow of a hattrick for Emanuel Adebayor is softened by the realisation that I'll pick up an extra bonus 10 points.

I might be called a 'grumpy old fan' for this, but the only 'Fantasy Football' I'll engage in will be the dreams I have of lifting the Premier League for the Blues, stood next to a grinning Alexandr Kolarov, as we buy our way to a third league title. Or maybe not.